It’s been a while since I last felt discouraged about this little project of mine for more than a couple of days.
And it’s been a while since I last thought of quitting blogging… or chasing this dream.
But for the last couple of days, maybe weeks, I just couldn’t shake the thoughts of quitting.
After all, maybe I’m no longer doing this for God or for His people. Maybe I’m doing this for myself, my pride, my ego. Maybe this is not my mission, but a meal ticket. That one day, I will be making a living from this.
I haven’t missed a post since the start of the year. This is post 119. I wish I can make it to post 120 tomorrow.
Today’s Gospel reading is timely:
“[My Father] takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit, and every one that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit.” — John 15:2
Sometimes, I feel this project is not bearing fruit. I have been blogging consistently, but my project does not seem to be growing. At least, traffic-wise and subscriber-wise.
Maybe I missed the blogging train by a few years. Maybe this is not for me. Maybe by being too obsessed about my blog, I’m missing out on other opportunities, on different ways to serve God and His people.
Or maybe this project is still growing its roots. Maybe I’m making a difference. Maybe not in other people’s lives, but in mine as blogging about the Word of God requires me to listen to Him every day. Blogging every day helps me stay disciplined. Blogging every day takes away my bad habits as instead of playing video games or mindlessly surfing the net, I am implored to read, to study, to research, and to do what I write.
Is this a branch that will no longer bear fruit no matter what and that I should already cut away from my life? Maybe by doing so, I will be able to find what God wants me to do.
Or is this just a period of pruning? Maybe if I go one more day, then one more, then one more, staying committed to this project can help me become a better person. Then when that day comes, maybe I can finally see the fruits of this project.
I am lost. I am confused about what to do. Will I be able to write post 120?
In the meantime, and whether I quit or go on, I’ll do my best to remain in Him.
“Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me.” — John 15:4
Thank you for being there. I’ll write to you tomorrow… I hope. Or soon. If not, thank you.
It’s been a good run, I hope.