Every Sunday, I take a break from writing about Work, Life, and Changing the World. Instead, I write about my imperfect understanding of God’s perfect love as my personal mission to spread His word and His love and to make a difference. You can read more Mission posts here.
Last Friday, I felt like I was at my lowest point... again.
I was doubting myself, my dreams, and my ability to figure things out... again.
I was on the verge of giving up… again.
It was bound to happen. I was already feeling down the past couple of weeks.
Last Friday, I really lost it. And I took my frustrations out on God.
I told Him, “Father, I’m really at my limit. I’m really tired. I want to quit. Why me? I’ve been good since I was young. I’ve been serving you for four years already! I just want to give up.”
“If You willed it, You could have easily given me the breakthrough I desperately want—the breakthrough I desperately need right now. If You willed it, my success would have been so simple for You to give. But, why hadn't You?”
I even told Him (or threatened Him), “Father, I’m taking a break from praying, from believing, and from having faith. I'm giving up on You.”
For five to ten minutes, I gave up on God.
But, He never gave up on me. He took everything I said. He took everything I felt.
Then, He made me realize why I still don’t have a breakthrough in my life.
It wasn’t that He wasn’t giving it to me. It was that I’m still not ready for it.
I still have to work on my courage, my commitment, and my conviction.
I still have to work on my habits and my attitude.
I still have to work on my character.
There's a lot more that I need to learn after living my whole life in comfort.
I had given up on God, but He never gave up on me.
Another story: What’s more amazing is that when we went hiking yesterday, the weather forecast was not very good. There was 60% chance of rain at noon and 80% chance of rain later in the afternoon until evening.
Still, God made the sun shine bright yesterday. Yes, there was a drizzle at noon. But, it lasted for less than minute. And it was just that—a drizzle. The whole afternoon was also cloudy which made the hike easier for us.
Even when I wasn’t faithful, God was. Even when I had already given up, He hadn't.
From now on, why else should I be afraid of the future when I have a faithful, understanding, and forbearing God?
And whenever you feel frustrated, God can take your frustrations. He understands what you’re going through. At the end of the day, He will still embrace you, assure you that He’s got everything under control, and love you. Trust me. I've experienced it first hand.
One last thing: Never lose hope.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." — Jeremiah 29:11