After getting home from mass yesterday, I found out that I didn't get the freelance work I really wanted.
I prepared for it like crazy.
I spent half a day studying the requirements and four days of actually doing the work. I didn't just send a pitch for the job. I actually did the job.
Still, I didn't get it.
I was well aware that there's always the risk of failure. But, there's also the risk of success. Did I increase the odds of getting the job because of my effort? To be honest with you, I don't know.
The important thing for me is that I did my best. I have no more regrets or what ifs. I know I've done my part and I've exhausted all my efforts. In fact, I spent my whole Christmas Eve doing the work.
Failures and rejections are God's redirection. But, you probably know that already.
Right now, I know God is redirecting me. It's very clear to me that this setback is just Him setting me up for bigger things. What's not clear to me is where He is redirecting me and what He's setting me up for.
I wish I could say I know the answers to my questions. But, I don't.
All I can do is to just keep believing, keep holding on to my dream, and keep moving forward despite the questions in my mind and in my heart. Also, I have to readjust my aim and fire again.
Also, I feel I grew a lot from that application and that latest set back. If this happened a year ago, I would have sulked for a week before I applied again. Yesterday, I simply spent another hour in prayer and applied for work again. While applying, I realized that I have become more comfortable and more confident applying again.
What a way to start the new year, right? Still, it's a good early test for me as the theme I set up for this year is "Trust." I want to learn how to trust God more—in good times or bad. I felt that my trust was tested in just the second day of the new year.
Are you dealing with God's redirection right now? I don't have the answers to your questions, especially to where God is leading you. But, here are a few suggestions on how you can deal with it:
1. Feel your feelings. It's okay to feel hurt. Don't hide it. Don't run away from it. Acknowledge your feelings. Admit that you got hurt. It will be easier for you to let go of it.
2. Stop trying to figure out where God is redirecting you. You'll never understand His ways. His ways are higher than ours.
3. Think about what you did well. Do it again. Don't give up on doing the right thing. It's easy to confuse the right thing with the wrong thing when the results aren't there.
4. Think about what you didn't do well. Adjust your aim and try again. But this time, do better.
5. If necessary, know when to stop. For years now, I'm actually wondering whether blogging and social media are the right careers for me. It's been three years since I started, but my learning curve hasn't really been that steep. I'm a Certified Public Accountant and I have my way with numbers. Accounting is one thing I don't get tired doing. Preparing financial models come easy for me. Maybe it's time for me to stop running away from it. That's why I finally decided (while really, really praying hard about it) to set a deadline until when I will pursue a freelance career in blogging and social media. Don't worry. I'm planning of applying in a smaller firm so I could learn the ins and outs of starting your own practice. Maybe it's time for me to combine my passion for entrepreneurship with my skills in accounting.
The hardest thing to do when God is redirecting you is to let go. I'm passionate about writing. But, I can't confidently say I'm good at it. There are times when I feel like blogging is already be holding me back from being more productive.
That's why I also decided to give this blogging and freelancing stint one last try. I decided to exhaust all my efforts in this one last push. I hope and pray and that I finally achieve results. (Please pray for me as well.) But if I don't, I won't have any regrets knowing that I did my best and I did everything possible in my power. I'll gladly let go of my dream of becoming a full-time blogger and freelancer and dream a different dream. Or I can just keep them and defer them indefinitely until the right time comes for me to try again.
6. Keep trusting that everything happens for a reason. Either the reason is you have to try harder or you're climbing the wrong mountain. Whatever the reason is, you'll get to right mountain eventually—only if you don't give up.
7. Keep doing your best and trust God for the results. Whatever the results, make sure you have no regrets. Give it your all.