Every Sunday, I take a break from writing about Work, Life, and Changing the World. Instead, I write about my imperfect understanding of God’s perfect love as my personal mission to spread His word and His love and to make a difference. You can read more Mission posts here.
It has already been weeks (months even) since I started feeling some heaviness in my heart.
This has been one of the most difficult stretches of my life.
I’ve been feeling down, discouraged, and frustrated with my dreams. There are times when I get so impatient and seriously think about giving up.
I’ve lost a lot of momentum and I often find myself getting stuck.
I’ve lost a little bit (or maybe a lot) of hope. I cannot see when this terrible stretch will end. I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Worst of all, there are times when I cannot feel God anywhere near me.
How many times have I prayed to God to at least show up in my dreams, so I could validate my belief? How many times have I asked God for a sign that He is near because I’ve been losing faith and trust in Him?
There are times when I feel I’m at my breaking point.
But today, while hearing mass, I suddenly imagined Jesus kneeling and crying in front of me saying:
“I am really sorry, My child. I am sorry that you feel I am letting you down. I am sorry that you feel that I am not at your side. I know it has been very difficult for you lately.
I do embrace you every morning that you are broken and seeking My embrace. I am sorry I cannot let you see Me embracing you. I am sorry I cannot let you see Me crying with you. I am sorry I cannot let you see me at all. Know that I have a reason for all these.
I want you to grow. I want you to grow in your character. I want you to learn to work hard and to have a more positive attitude. I want you to learn to persevere, especially when things are not going your way. I want you to be more patient with your dreams and with yourself. I want you to trust Me even when you cannot see Me. I want you to be faithful especially when you feel like giving up.
If I show myself to you, you may not learn to be self-reliant and grow into the person that I want you to become.
You are at your breaking point. But when, not if, you overcome this, you will be a much stronger person.
Carlo, I am very proud of you and I love you so much. You do not have to prove anything to Me or to anyone. Just live your life with passion and with purpose. Most importantly, live your life with love.
Believe in yourself. Believe in the dreams I planted in your heart. Believe in your ability to figure things out and make your dreams a reality.
I love you, son, and I am always with you. Trust Me."
"Jesus wept.” — John 11:35
"Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed.” — John 20:29
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." — Philippians 4:13