I finally figured out why I’m feeling fearful and anxious lately. Simple: I forgot my reason why.
I forgot the reason why I started blogging in the first place.
I forgot the reason why I want to become a freelancer.
I forgot the reason why I want to succeed.
Here’s my simple reason:
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides.” — Matthew 6:33
I want to become a full-time blogger and freelancer because I want to have more time to serve in our ministry. I want more time to volunteer. I want more time to pray and to connect with God every single day.
I want more time to smell the flowers and appreciate what I have. I want more time for my family and my friends. As cheesy as it may sound, I want more time to love.
I want more time to live my life.
Yet, I had been in a hurry again. I had been in a hurry to finally make it that I failed to appreciate what is.
I had been in a hurry that I failed to give time to my family and friends.
I had been in a hurry that I failed to give time to God and to service.
I had been in a hurry that I failed to enjoy the process of making things happen.
And I had been in a hurry because of my pride and ego.
What I really wanted to do because of my quest to become a blogger and freelancer, I failed to do because of the very same quest.
When you’re always in a hurry, it’s easy to get drowned in anxiety. It’s easy to get overwhelmed. It’s easy to fall into a cycle of depression.
And that hurry comes from fear. Fear that you are not enough…until you succeed. Fear that you are not accepted…until you prove something. Fear that you are lacking…until you become the person you want to be.
Hurry became my reason why. No, fear became my reason why.
That’s why I always have to remind myself of my real reason why. I have to take a step back from all the hustle and bustle and go back to my core—to my happy place. And that’s God’s love. That’s God’s love telling me that I am already more than enough.
And now, I can move forward once again with my real reasons why—to seek God’s kingdom and righteousness and to love.
P.S. Thank you to everyone who sent me their well-wishes. I’m really blessed because of you.
[31 Day Challenge Update] I will start Day 1 tomorrow. Enough said. :-)