Rejoicing in desperation

Read today’s scripture

In 2010, I graduated from college and passed the CPA Board Exams. I thought my future was secured and my path to success laid out. How mistaken I was.

The first few months after passing the board exams, I experienced rejections after rejections in my search for my first job. I lost my confidence and self-worth. After all, I grew up basing my self-worth on success.

Even when I finally landed a job, I didn’t recover my self-worth. I thought of my peers’ head start in our careers (one of the lessons I learned: don’t compare). I also became obsessed about my missed opportunities instead of the promising career I had in the company I was in.

For several months, I was under a cloud. It came to a point where I had to see a psychologist. For me, it didn’t help. After all, I lost my identity. Growing up, I was an achiever in school. But without success, I didn’t know who I was.

In my desperation, I finally sought God. It was in October 2011, a year after passing the board exams and my first rejection, when I started attending The Feast. Since then, I learned to serve God in a community, read the bible, and took bible studies.

I’m still a work in progress. But, since then:

I went beyond religion and started to have a relationship with God.

I learned to trust God more. That every rejection and refusal is a redirection to His perfect plan. If I succeeded in my career early on, I probably wouldn’t have sought God. I wouldn’t have rediscovered my love for writing and drawing. I wouldn't have started writing for God. I wouldn’t have met my wonderful fiancee and my brothers and sisters in our community. 

I learned to work harder. 

I started looking into my heart and became aware of my brokenness. Knowing you are broken is the first step to healing.

I became more loving.

I finally discovered who I am even without success — I am God’s child.

In the Beatitudes, Jesus said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Based on my first hand experience, when you are desperate, you become more open to God. You pray more and seek Him more.

Ever since I started seeking God, I also learned to rejoice in my desperation. Because that simply meant God was drawing me to Him. And that He has something greater in store for me.

Are you desperate? Rejoice. It's time to seek God and His kingdom.

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