"Use Me More, Jesus"

Today, I just want to honor the sacrifice made almost two thousand years ago for our redemption from death and sin. So, I'm taking a break from writing and I'm sharing with you my prayer and reflection.

“Lord Jesus,

As I imagine you walking just across me while you are carrying your cross and all bloodied from the crown of thorns they put on your head and from the scourging you mercilessly and unfairly received, I feel like I want to come closer to You and at least give You a little bit of comfort. 

As I imagine Your face bloodied and bruised, I see You looking at me with a smile on Your face and hear You as You struggle to say, 'This is for you. I love you.'

Lord Jesus, it really hurts me and I cannot understand this feeling I have inside right now. There’s this feeling of guilt because of my sins and the countless times I betrayed You. There’s this feeling of fear. There’s this feeling of pain of losing a friend, of losing someone very dear to me, and of losing the person who has always been there for me. 

I want to go to You and wipe the blood off Your face. I want to help You carry your cross. I want to give You comfort and relief in any way. Yet, I’m almost two thousand years too late. I want to do something, anything, for You as You suffer for me. I want to return the favor. I want to help You. I want to show You and tell You how much I love You as You continue walking and carrying your cross.

As I imagine You hanging on the bloody cross and struggling to even catch Your breath, this unexplainable pain in my heart is becoming even stronger. My fear of losing You is becoming even more real.

Yet, as You begin breathing Your last, it’s also becoming clearer and clearer to me why You are doing all these for me—for us. You are giving us a model to follow. You are showing us how to love. You are showing us how to live—to die for others.

Lord Jesus, I may not have been there when You were suffering. I may not have been there to comfort you during your most difficult hours, even if I were there, I may have been one of the people who abandoned You or even shouted to crucify You, but right now, I am really overwhelmed by your love and sacrifice. I don’t deserve them, yet You gave them to me. I really want to return the favor to You, Lord Jesus. 

I want to give You the love and comfort You deserved. I really want to share in Your pain and tell You how grateful I am and how much I love You. I want to let You feel that You are not alone. Yet, I am two thousand years too late.

Instead, use this pain and this love I’m feeling right now to comfort my brothers and sisters who are afflicted and who are suffering. I know that’s what You want me to do.

Use me, Lord Jesus, to help others live. Use me to bring comfort to the poor, to the weak, and to the afflicted. I know that’s where I can find You. Help me see You in them. Use me in any way to share Your love and sacrifice to them.

Use me, Lord. Use me in any way. Help me to follow You and to live like You did.

Lord Jesus, thank You and I love You. Yet, this love is nothing compared to Your love for me—for us.

I love You, Jesus. Words cannot contain this love I have for You.

Thank You and I love You."

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Here's the song I was reflecting to while praying: